


gentle into that good night

by SilverRollu



Series: on the brink of (something) [1]
Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Pre-Advent Children
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-23
Updated: 2015-09-23
Packaged: 2018-04-22 23:08:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4854122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverRollu/pseuds/SilverRollu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It isn't until his skin starts to twitch, like it's stretched too tightly over his bones, and the stilted air in the bar becomes heavy and caked in his lungs, that he knows he's going to leave again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	gentle into that good night

 

Cloud can feel himself drifting. The irrepressible urge to move, to run away, is almost always with him, usually nagging at him in the back of his mind. It isn't until his skin starts to twitch, like it's stretched too tightly over his bones, and the stilted air in the bar becomes heavy and caked in his lungs, that he knows he's going to leave again.

He begins to pack up his supplies slowly, his fingers numb and heavy with guilt. Somewhere in his head he doesn't _really_ want to leave, not when 7 th Heaven is pulling in more customers and Tifa needs his occasional help, and not when Marlene and Denzel give him longing looks, like they're waiting with baited breath for the next time they wake and he's no longer there. His sudden departure is like an inevitability at this point – he comes home, he stays for a few days, maybe a few weeks, and then he's gone again. Not a word to them, not a farewell message, not even a reassuring call every once in a while, and he leaves his phone off to avoid what he's done. His _desertion_.

The sky is still black outside his window, and everything in the building is still. Tifa has closed down the bar and turned in to bed a few hours ago, so when Cloud emerges from his room, silently, he hears nothing but the sound of steady breathing.

He approaches Tifa's room first, stops outside the door. If he opens it he's sure she'll notice. She's not mako-enhanced like himself, but years of fighting and travel left an impression on all of them, and the slightest sound could trigger her reflexes. He can hear her soft breathing, however, and is comforted by it, closes his eyes for a moment to listen. He walks away before the guilt can lower his stomach any further into his guts.

When he nears the kids' room he doesn't hesitate to walk in, at least not until he's inside and can see them sleeping, oblivious. Marlene is wrapped in a bundle of blankets, and he can see them rise and fall with her steady breathing. She's hugging her pillow tightly, and Cloud feels so overwhelmingly fond at that moment, glad that she looks so peaceful. He brushes his fingers across her loose bangs as he walks by.

Then he walks slowly up to Denzel's bed. He looks considerably peaceful as well, though a tight ball clenches in Cloud's stomach when he remembers that it's only temporary. Denzel's breathing is leveled but he knows that it's only because the geostigma is merely suppressed for the moment.

Too many times he's seen Denzel shaking, even in his sleep, due to the pain of his sickness, and more than ever does Cloud wish he could free this child from it. His search for a cure has been largely unsuccessful, and he subconsciously touches his own left arm. It hurts. But he's a grown man, worn by war and tragedy, and Denzel is only ten, weighed down with burdens much too heavy for his small shoulders. Denzel's survival is nothing less than admirable, and it's at this point that Cloud's resolve to leave wavers.

Maybe he'll stay, just _maybe_. But the guilt he feels has two sides; If he leaves, Tifa will be upset. She'll understand, of course, because not many in this world understand Cloud Strife like Tifa Lockhart understands Cloud Strife, but Marlene and Denzel will be sad, because they look up to him so much, and he hates the thought of disappointing them.

However, if Cloud stays, he's not sure he'd actually be any good for them. Sleeping in one place, under this guise of peace that's fallen since the great fireball in the sky, makes him weak. He must move, lest he become too lax. And if he stays here too long, becomes too attached, then saying goodbye will hurt more.

He looks to his makeshift family and is scared that he will _hurt_ them or _see_ _them hurt,_ and this fear is the strength in his legs, what finally convinces him to leave the foot of Denzel's bed, down the stairs and out the backdoor, strapping his packed bag onto the back of Fenrir. He starts it up. If he waits here, hesitates another moment, then he could still hear the sounds of the three breathing inside and he'll want to stay, to ensure the sound never stops, the gentle i _n and out,_ _one-two one-two_. But he doesn't hesitate, and he's speeding away in seconds.


End file.
